Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cancer.. Death...

I am not sure what is compelling me to write on this topic, maybe it is because tonight as Ashlyn was asking about an afgan that my grandma had crocheted, it got the emotions stirring. Ashlyn wanted to know about her, which prompted questions from my other children as well. I love talking about my grandma, I love talking about my dad, it is just that when it is my children asking about either of them, I get emotional. I don't want to tell stories to them, I want them to meet them, to know them personally, to see first hand the selfless life that they each lived, but alas they won't and my memories will have to do.

Both my dad and my grandma succombed to cancer, such an ugly disease. The physical process of dieing is hard to watch especially in the case of cancer, it wreaks such havoc on a persons body, bringing victims to the brinks of death just in hope of killing these abnormal cells that have taken over their bodies all with just a slim chance of remission or survival... it is disheartening. However, witnessing a person who has given themselves to the Lord depart from this world, brings about peace, brings about hope.

Seemingly a paradox, I was blessed to have been right by their sides when they moved on from this world to the next. Minutes, even hours before each passed it was obvious to those around that they were teetering between this world and the next, it was obvious that the Lord had opened the gates of Heaven for them to catch a glimpse of what was to come, that He was waiting for them to come home. Not one single time did I witness fear fom either of them, I truly believe they had accepted and were at peace with what was to be, long before any of their loved ones were. During my dad's battle with cancer,he had said that he was in a win-win situation, meaning if the Lord would bring him to the state of remission or better yet cured him, then he won, that was extra time on this earth that he would get to spend with us, however, if he that was not the case and he passed away, he won because he would finally meet face to face his Saviour. He did win, but it was our loss. He and my grandma are whole now, they are complete. Our loss is truly heavens gain.

So for now I will share the memories of these two, as well as of my grandpa, he died alone, maybe of a broken heart, shortly after my grandma passed. I will share with my children as vividly as I can my memories so that maybe in the end it will feel as if they did know them personally. Most of all, I will do my best to live out their legacy, the legacy of love, of selflessness and I can only pray that when it is my time that I too can bring about peace and hope in death just as my dad and grandma did for me. I know that I will see them again one day, that knowledge brings peace, that knowledge brings hope.

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